This is my monthly weekend with Dad. Since I took this new position back in June, my schedule has changed – I used to stack my classes in Tuesday/Thursday blocks so I could drive up on Thursday and stay into Monday. That’s not the case now, although Friday is a half-day for me, so I can arrive in time to pick up groceries and unpack before picking up Dad from the local senior center. But my visits are shorter now and they don’t provide as much of a break for my sister and nephew who are Dad’s primary caregivers.
And make no mistake, this is a tough chapter. Dad’s health is at that stage of “he’s doing really well for someone who’s 93.” But that’s still tough sometimes. His hearing isn’t good, he doesn’t really like his hearing aids, he uses a walker to get around, but is sometimes way too fast (and in sock feet, which nearly made me faint!) – he’s simply slowing down, which is all as it is intended to be.
But it’s hard. This is my Dad, you know? The devilishly handsome Navy aviator and college two-letter athlete who swept my mother off her feet. The extravagant host whose parties were legendary. And his world has gotten small.
I try to make my visits fun, even if Dad doesn’t want to go anywhere. I ask questions and learn new stories, I try to make meals that are celebratory.
I was reminded today that Dad casts a wide net. As I was chin-deep in work tasks this morning, I was told that someone was asking for me in the lobby. It turned out to be a woman I had met soon after I started this job – when we first met, she was furious with a perceived injustice the City had done and, by golly, I was going to hear what she thought about it! I listened, asked a few polite questions, explained our policy, and we eventually worked out a solution. That apparently was enough for her to take a shine to me. We talk every now and then and I had mentioned that I’d be leaving work on Friday to drive up to visit Dad for the weekend.
She had gone to Sunny’s Donuts – which is the best donut shop in South Carolina, thank you very much – and brought over a mixed dozen because “Daddy needs some donuts and you take him these.” I said, “You don’t even know him. Why’d you do this?”
Her reply – “Well, I know you. And he clearly did something right in raising you. So you take him these donuts.”
My heart was definitely lightened by that.
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